i've done well

after a disappointing start to the day, i gained 0.2 of a pound again!! i have stayed strong, i've had two glasses of milk, a bowl of cereal and when i went out for dinner with friends tonight i stuck to my plan and had soup and a side of veg, total...

could have done better!

that's the story of my life! food wise i've been quite good, considering it's burger night with my son, i've eaten 645 calories, so just over my limit, but...... i'm on my third vodka and diet coke! whoops, i figured i deserved a drink after the scales...

angry!!!

i've put on 0.2 of a pound!!! how!!! i was sooo good yesterday, and i fitted in my workout even though i was shattered!!! it makes me so mad, i hate my scales!!! this could be the point where i think fuck it and give up, but NO, i wont, i CAN'T,...

today

today has gone quite well, i've eaten 575 calories, which is amazing as i've been at a theme park all day again, i've done half and hour of resistance training and 110 stomach crunches. i'm trying to do ten more each day! the only problem is that...

disappointed

after eating only 300 calories yesterday i've only lost 0.4lbs! i now weigh 8st 4.2lbs (116.2 lbs) im disappointed with that, i was hoping to have lost a pound. but never mind, i will carry on. today im going to eat 600 calories again. i've lost...

the lies are the hardest part

i think this might be a long one...sorry as the tittle suggests i've already had to lie, to my mum, which i hate. she knows i've been on a diet since April, before i joined this blog i had already lost about 30lbs. i started off eating about 1000...

today

i weighed myself, 8st 4.6lbs (116.6lbs), i would have liked to have lost more weight, but at least it's going down again, i'm doing my liquid fast today, that should help to speed things up, i should consume about 300 calories. it's going to be hard...

fasting tomorrow?

today has gone well, i've only eaten 534 calories in total, and i haven't drank any vodka today which is good. i've done my workouts, hip hop class was hard! i'm feeling positive about things, i just hope the scales are kind to me in the morning, i...

scales are the same :(

got to stay positive, the scales didn't move today, im still 8st 5lbs (117lbs). yes i would have loved to have lost a little weight, but they didn't go up, and i didn't have a very big b/m yesterday, which doesn't help matters. i have already done a...

today

todays gone ok, I've stuck to my plan, I've just done my cardio and i threw in 75 stomach crunches for good measure, I've only eaten 513 calories in food, though i am just having a cheeky vodka and diet coke, which is about another 54 calories, so 567...

what does healthy and normal mean to you?

does anyone else freak out when some says that they are a healthy weight, or in the normal range? is it just me that translates that as being fat? when i was 14 i was heavy, everyone said that i wasn't fat, just a little plump (god i hate that word!)...

getting back in control...slowly

today is a new day, i must regain control over my life, i cut my leg again last night, i must stop doing that, that's not control. i can't control everything, but what i can i will. scales were very good again today, i weigh 8st 5lbs ( 117lbs),...

untittled

i can try to keep my mind from exploding, i can't stop my heart from imploding, the pain tears me apart inside, the pain is the only way i know i'm alive, in this life there's no point in dreaming, i wish i was numb instead of screaming....

trying to stay strong

ok, so i'm a little drunk, i've only eaten 356 of food calories today, though i've drank 162 calories of vodka, whoops! i hate myself so much today, i'm going to cut my leg in a bit, i like the pain and blood. i need to be thinner, i need to feel my...

help!

i have a bottle of vodka and i know how to use it!

help!

the guy who I've been kind of seeing has just blown me out at the last minute again, so i told him where to go, all he said was "it's your loss" and it is. I'm fat, ugly, and disgusting, who would want to fuck me, let alone love me? I'm so angry that i...

scales are still my friend!!!

just weighed myself, I'm 8st 6.8lbs (118.2lbs for all you American lovelies ) I'm happy with that, it's not as much as the other days but at least it's still going down! but now I'm dreading tomorrow already, the good streak is going to stop and I'm...

today?...better than expected!

so i went to the theme park with my son, we had a great time and i managed to control my eating!!! i had my glass of skimmed milk for breakfast before we left and i made myself a cheese roll to take ( no marg, extra light mayo, and just enough cheese...

another pound off

yes that's right, another whole pound off my fat body, that makes me 8st 7.2lbs! only 9.2lbs to go until i hit my first target! I'm so happy right now!!! though to be honest I'm now expecting to stay the same weight for a few days, that how it usually...

today went ok....but i'm hungry!

i ate my burger with my son, it was nice, though i felt really bloated after. i didn't eat much else throughout the day so my calorie intake was OK, i ate 644 and i did do my hour of cardio this morning, so that helps. but right now i feel sooo hungry,...

i dropped a pound

I've lost 1lb over night, how great is that, I'm now 8st 8.2lbs! i hope it keeps going this well, though tonight is burger night with my son, i want to eat one because it's something that i enjoy doing with him once a week, but I'm worried about the...

bones

I know this might make me sound like a freak, but does anyone else love it when they can feel their bones? and even better, when you can see your bones? seeing them protrude, the shape of them, the hardness of them, i love it. my hip bones aren't very...

todays plan

i weighed myself this morning, it wasn't too bad, i weigh 8st 9.2lbs, i love my digital scales, they are so accurate! already done half an hour of resistance training, it really helps to stop those wobbly bits. again I'm planning on eating 700...

a good day

today has gone well, i slept alot, that usually helps with cutting the calories! i have eaten 697 calories today so i am right on target. it's a good start though i know eventually I'm going to have to cut myself down to about 400 a day. that will be...

control

cutting my leg has helped, now when i need to feel something i can just rub the cut and i know that i am still alive. i have decided to let Ana back in my life. it's the only thing i can do to have complete control over the mess that is my life. i will...