today

don't think i'll be eating today after all

alone

am feeling alone tonight, guess i should get used to it.   no one's really here.   no one's coming.   it's just me.   alone.   the way it should be.   the way it now has to be.

why do you keep hurting me?

you know what you are doing, you know how it affects me, why keep doing it? i gave you better, easier options. the only reason is to keep hurting me. but you are wasting your time.   YOU CAN'T HURT ME ANY MORE THAN YOU ALREADY HAVE!!!   ...

they're not real

there are entities who walk among us, they look and sound like us, they may appear to be just like you and me.   you would have known them for a while, spent time with them, interacted with them, but in the grand scheme of things they really...

vomit

threw up this morning after my morning glass of skimmed milk and my coffee, fyi milk looks like yogurt when it comes back up. because of this i've had a slimfast this afternoon, figure my body needs a few calories.   weight 10st 7.2lbs...

40 hours awake

thats right, i have been awake for 40 hours, what's more amazing is that i've been drinking beer since about 6pm, it's now 1am, how am i still functioning?   thought about eating earlier, maybe some toast, but the thought passed as quickly as it...

no weigh in today

couldn't weigh in this morning because i didn't go to sleep, really want to know how much i weigh. been 6 days with out food. so far today i've had water, skimmed milk and coffee.   i have a horrible thought that keeps going around in my head,...

5:54am

am still up, today is going to be a waste

4:25am

why's it always me that's up all night?

why keep hurting me?

you just keep pulling tricks out the bag don't you? keep finding ways to hurt me. we slept together a week ago, now you're in a relationship?   i would love to think that you're so stupid that you don't understand what you're doing.   but...

today

weight 10st 7.8lbs (147.8lbs) consumed water, coffee, skimmed milk and beer. got 8lbs to lose in 9 days, it is possible. felt like shit earlier, feel better now, 5 days no food.... stay strong, starve on  

no food

4 days now without any real food, feeling ok,lets see if i can make it a whole week :)   stay strong, starve on

weigh in

today i weigh 10st 8.2lbs (148.2lbs) have consumed water, skimmed milk, coffee, beer   not bad but must do better, at least 8.4lbs must be lost by monday 20th april.   stay strong, starve on

beer

have been drinking again tonight, don't really care, except for the extra calories :(   stay strong, starve on

the start of the end

weight today 10st 9.8lbs (149.8lbs) have only had skimmed milk,water,coffee (and beer tuesday night) since monday. might have some slim fast tomorrow if i need it. want to be under 10 stone by the end of the easter holidays (monday 20th april)   ...

he knew

he knew what would happen when he sent that text,he knew how much it would hurt me, he knew the pain he would put me through when he took his support away because he knew how much it meant to me to have it. but he still did it. he knew and he still...

the game

reel me in,make me believe, make me feel safe, use what you know to destroy me   why?

yes

yes i wanted you to put me first. yes i needed you to put your life on hold. yes, you knew that. a few months out of your life would have meant that i could of actually lived the rest of mine.   but of course, i wasn't worth it   stay...

someone

thats all i needed, someone to stand by me and put me first no matter what, someone to protect me, someone to make sure that im ok, someone to always be there.   i thought i had found that someone.   i hadn't.   i never will.   ...

lies

why do people say they are going to be there for you when they're not? more importantly,why do i believe them? i just needed support while i got help. you know i was trying. you knew it would take time. you knew how much doing that would hurt me. but...