pancakes

had pancakes today, ate too much. am drinking beer again. i really need my antidepressants back. need to be level. need to function. need to focus. focus into the deep black hole that is my life. control is called for. control is needed. control is...

i can't sleep

why is it me who is up all night? why is it me worrying? why is it me having panic attacks? you came to me. you asked me for help. why is it me who really needs the help?

bed

i guess it's time to go to sleep again now. alone. wrapped in my duvet so tight that it feels like i'm being held. the morning will come. the daylight will shine. i will awaken. breathe. shower. dress. i will move. i will talk. i will function. no one...

i can't do this

this is to you andy: i can't do this anymore, all i do is love and care and all you do is let me down, every time, on everything. i am not important to you at all. my feelings are not important. the financial mess you've put me in is not important....