i'm doing well

i've stuck to my 500 calorie a day limit, been to hip hop dance class, done 30 minutes of weights and 180 stomach crunches. i hope i've done enough to lose some weight, i weighed myself today, 8st 5lbs!!! i knew i would be punished for my binge but...

today

today has gone well, i've stuck to my plan and eaten about 500 calories which is amazing as i've been at a theme park all day surrounded by greasy food! i haven't weighed myself yet, i'm too scared to after my binge, maybe i will tomorrow...

this isn't normal

i've just read about belle, who has died from anorexia. it breaks my heart. she was so young. it scares me. i'm taller than she was and in the past i have weighed less, my goal weight is less than the weight she died at. but i'm not sure that even this...

fail

that's right, i failed, after gaining again! 8st 3.8lbs!?? how? i decided to just eat 500 calories a day, went to a birthday party last night and was forced to eat, so when i got home thought fuck it and binged!!! i'm so angry with myself! ...

i got my ana bracelet!

yes, i finally found one that i love! i bought it today and i'm wearing it! i've eaten quite a bit today, i need to jump start my body, i've had 928 calories, i'll eat about the same tomorrow, then i'll cut down again on saturday. i've done my...

how?

i'm still 8st 3.4lbs! (115.4lbs) how? i know i had that binge on monday night but i've only eaten about 200 calories a day since then, it doesn't make sense. it's a good job that i planned to eat today or i would have binged any way, but instead i'm...

doing well

today's has gone well, i weighed myself and i've gained 0.4lbs from my binge on monday night, so now i weigh 8st 3.4lbs (115.4lbs) but i didn't let it get me down, i've stuck to my punishment and eaten half a glass of milk, some fruit, a carrot with...

today

thanks for all the kind comments about my blog last night and sorry it was so depressing! i just really needed to get those things out, some of them i have never told anyone and i thought i never would. it felt really good to finally say it all.  ...

i binged

yes i did,  last night, at 2 in the morning i ate everything! and kept it down as punishment. i feel awful, bloated and ashamed. but i will keep going. no more binges, i will stay strong from now on, i will be thin xxx

to live or die?

that's the question. i don't want to die, i'm making that clear from the start and i have no intention of committing suicide so don't worry. but at the same time i'm finding it impossible to live. there's so much crap in my head, i just want it to all...

FYI

this is for anyone who is wondering why i'm such a fuck up, and i know i am. this is it, laid bare, nothing missed out, god this is going to be hard, but i need to do it. i was sexually abused as a child by a close family member, i never had a...

no one cares

no one cares, no one ever has. i have reached out for help on a couple of occasions but no one cared enough to do anything. i know a lot of you girls hate the way your friends and family hound you about not eating, and i do feel for you, but on some...

i've lost at last!

today i weigh 8st 3lbs exactly (115lbs), what a relief, it just shows that even if you gain or stay the same for a few days through no fault of your own, if you stick with it you will see results. i feel great, i'm so happy, i got really hungry last...

today has been great!

i feel that a weight has been lifted after my first blog this morning. i'm finally accepting who i am, and that my eating disorder is a huge part of that and i'm not going to be made to feel ashamed any longer. i'm not going to flaunt it in peoples...

my new plan

after a disappointing few days i have come up with a new plan for myself that should fit in to my lifestyle. sundays i will sort of fast, no more than 250 calories, mainly milk and carrots, any day that i take my son to a theme park i will allow myself...

this is me

i am unlovable, i know this, i have known this for a long time now and i know why. i'm not stupid. but i am sick of fighting against it, i'm sick of trying to be someone i'm not. i feel like i have spent my life trying to please others, trying to make...

i've done well

after a disappointing start to the day, i gained 0.2 of a pound again!! i have stayed strong, i've had two glasses of milk, a bowl of cereal and when i went out for dinner with friends tonight i stuck to my plan and had soup and a side of veg, total...

could have done better!

that's the story of my life! food wise i've been quite good, considering it's burger night with my son, i've eaten 645 calories, so just over my limit, but...... i'm on my third vodka and diet coke! whoops, i figured i deserved a drink after the scales...

angry!!!

i've put on 0.2 of a pound!!! how!!! i was sooo good yesterday, and i fitted in my workout even though i was shattered!!! it makes me so mad, i hate my scales!!! this could be the point where i think fuck it and give up, but NO, i wont, i CAN'T,...

today

today has gone quite well, i've eaten 575 calories, which is amazing as i've been at a theme park all day again, i've done half and hour of resistance training and 110 stomach crunches. i'm trying to do ten more each day! the only problem is that...

disappointed

after eating only 300 calories yesterday i've only lost 0.4lbs! i now weigh 8st 4.2lbs (116.2 lbs) im disappointed with that, i was hoping to have lost a pound. but never mind, i will carry on. today im going to eat 600 calories again. i've lost...

the lies are the hardest part

i think this might be a long one...sorry as the tittle suggests i've already had to lie, to my mum, which i hate. she knows i've been on a diet since April, before i joined this blog i had already lost about 30lbs. i started off eating about 1000...

today

i weighed myself, 8st 4.6lbs (116.6lbs), i would have liked to have lost more weight, but at least it's going down again, i'm doing my liquid fast today, that should help to speed things up, i should consume about 300 calories. it's going to be hard...

fasting tomorrow?

today has gone well, i've only eaten 534 calories in total, and i haven't drank any vodka today which is good. i've done my workouts, hip hop class was hard! i'm feeling positive about things, i just hope the scales are kind to me in the morning, i...

scales are the same :(

got to stay positive, the scales didn't move today, im still 8st 5lbs (117lbs). yes i would have loved to have lost a little weight, but they didn't go up, and i didn't have a very big b/m yesterday, which doesn't help matters. i have already done a...